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The Coach Up

Insights for Coaching Leaders

Coaching Leaders Eliminate the “Delete” Word Almost Every Other Boss Abuses

by | Nov 27, 2024 | Leadership Language

The CoachUp Video Summary

Get rid of the “buts” from your communication

The higher your status in the organization, the higher the magnification. Our team members are listening and watching us very carefully!

Among other vectors, our leadership is experienced through our language.

When we use the word “but” we just pressed a verbal delete button that erases whatever we said just ahead of the “but.” That verbal delete button cannot be mitigated. Once the word escapes our mouth, the damage is done.

When we use the word “but” we are focusing the other’s attention on what WE think the key issue is in the conversation (everything that comes after the “but”)

If we say “yeah, but” that delete button reaches further back in time. It could erase the whole conversation up to that point. Stop saying “yeah but” full stop.

The word BUT:

  • Reduces confidence
  • Reduces trust
  • Keeps us from getting to the “good stuff” (the place underneath where all the real problems reside)

So, do this instead.

Replace the “, but” with a strong period. End one thought then start another thought. Offer a short pause between sentences to establish validity of the words and sentiment.

by Jonathan Wilson

Jonathan Wilson is the founder and head coach of The Center for Coaching Leadership. The Center is a learning organization that studies, advocates for, teaches, and facilitates the art and science of coaching leadership. We help caring managers transform into coaching leaders.

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